The Healer's Pause
Language to Try On
Language + Prompts from The Healer's Pause
Resource 3 of 4
These aren't magic words, and they aren't a list of the "right" things to say. They're language to try on.
Some of this may feel spacious when you receive it. Some may annoy you. One word may make an invitation suddenly feel like an instruction. You may discover that something you've said to other people for years lands very differently when you're the one hearing it.
That's part of the point.
Before deciding whether you want to use a phrase in your own work, notice what it asks of the person receiving it — and what it quietly assumes.
How to use this resource
Read through once to get a sense of what's here. Then come back to individual scripts as you need them. You might try one on yourself before offering it to anyone else, so you can notice how it actually feels from the receiving side.
If you use these in your professional work, pay attention to which words invite and which instruct, which leave you more room to choose and which start to feel like pressure, which feel generous and which feel rushed. That noticing is the real takeaway. The scripts themselves are just a way in.
Offering a pause
These scripts are for pausing before deciding what happens next. The point is not to determine that someone needs a pause — it's to offer one without assuming they do.
Asking rather than deciding
Would a pause be useful here, or would you rather keep going?
Without requiring anything from the pause
We can stop here for a moment. You don't need to do anything with it.
Noticing without requiring
These scripts invite noticing without requiring a particular internal experience. There is nothing the participant is supposed to find, feel, or produce.
Whatever is here
Take a second and notice what's here before we decide what to do with it. You might notice something right away, or you might not. Either way, we don't have to go looking for something.
Without a target
You might notice something in your body, or you might not. There's nothing you're supposed to find.
Contact and surroundings
These scripts invite attention to physical contact and the space around the participant. They do not assume that noticing contact will ground, regulate, or calm anyone. It might. It might not. That's not the point.
What's supporting you
If you want, notice what's supporting you right now. That might be the floor, the chair, something you're touching, or something else.
The room
Let your eyes move around the space if you'd like. You don't need to look at anything in particular. Just notice what's here.
Okay enough and less demanding
Not everything you notice has to be profound, pleasant, or meaningful. Sometimes the most useful thing to notice is something that's just okay enough — neutral, interesting, or simply less demanding of your attention.
Okay enough
Notice if there's something that feels okay enough right now. It doesn't have to be profound or pleasant. Just something that isn't demanding much from you.
Neutral or interesting
If something in the room is interesting or neutral to you, you can let your attention rest there. It doesn't need to do anything.
Movement, pacing, and choice
These scripts make movement, pacing, and choice explicit. They're useful in restorative practice and in any setting where someone might feel they're supposed to hold still, keep up, or finish.
Permission to move
If you need to shift, shift. If you need to change positions, change them. You don't need to stay still.
Checking capacity
Take a moment to notice how this feels for you right now. Not whether you're doing it right — just whether this is too much, not enough, or somewhere in between.
No preferred answer
You can pause, continue, or stop. There's no version of this you're supposed to be doing.
Changing your mind
This script makes explicit that a yes is not permanent. It's useful when offering practices to others — and worth noticing when you're the one being guided. Does the invitation include room to change your mind after you've started?
Choice isn't locked in
This is an invitation. You can participate, modify it, or decline. And if you start and it doesn't feel right, you can stop, change it, or do something else. Your choice isn't locked in once you begin.
Try it both ways
The following pairs are for experiencing how a small change in wording changes what's being offered. Try receiving each version. Don't decide immediately that one is good and one is bad.
Sometimes clear direction is useful or preferred. Sometimes an invitation creates room the person didn't know they needed. The interesting part is noticing what changes when the wording changes.
Try
Take a breath.
Then try
Would a pause be useful here, or would you rather keep going?
What changes when the wording changes? Who is deciding what is needed — and how easy does it feel to say no?
Try it both ways: Directing attention
Try
Put your feet on the floor.
Then try
If you want, notice what's supporting you right now. That might be the floor, the chair, something you're touching, or something else.
What does each version ask of you? Which feels like an instruction and which feels like an invitation? Is there a time you would actually prefer the instruction?
Try it both ways: Staying or moving
Try
Stay with that.
Then try
Would you like to stay with this, or move on?
What happens to your experience when the option to leave is named versus when it isn't? Is there a time you'd prefer the first version?
The helper's side
When you're the one offering a practice, something is always happening in you too.
You might feel urgency — the pull to say something, do something, make something happen. You might want to help. You might want the practice to work. You might feel uncertain in silence and want to fill it. You might notice the urge to reassure, explain, fix, redirect, or keep things moving.
None of that is a problem. It's information.
But it's worth asking: Am I offering this because it might be useful to them — or because I am uncomfortable with what is happening and want something to change?
And sometimes it's both.
The point isn't to become a helper who never feels urgency, wants something to work, or has a reaction. It's to notice when your reaction starts making decisions for the other person.
Sometimes the automatic next move belongs to the helper. Noticing that — without judging it — is part of what this practice is for.
Prompts for your own reflection
These prompts are for you. You can write, think, or simply notice. Nothing needs to be shared, completed, or submitted.
Which words changed the experience? What shifted when the wording changed?
When did language that sounded optional begin to feel like something you were expected to do?
Was there language you thought you liked professionally but disliked receiving?
Did you prefer more direction at any point? What about it was useful?
What happened when you were given a choice you didn't think the facilitator actually wanted you to make?
What did you notice in yourself when an exercise wasn't "working"?
Which language would stay with you? Which would you revise? Which would you let go of?
What you do with this
Take what fits. Change what doesn't. And stay curious about the difference between the words you intended to offer and the experience the other person actually had.